Teletubbies/ Teletubbies Redux
Channel: CBeebies
Running Time: 28 mins/ 15 mins
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| Simpler times, before cocaine addiction drove a wedge between Po and Dipsy. |
Date: 1997-2001; 2015-present
Premise: A magical land, with a sky slightly too blue
and grass slightly too green. Rabbits roam freely. The Teletubbies emerge from
the top of a domed house covered in greenery - a very ecologically friendly
design. They are Tinky Winky, Dispy, Laa-Laa and Po. Fat-bottomed, colourful,
with an antennae on their heads and a television in their tummy, they are the
delight of pre-schoolers and the disgust of many parents, dead homophobic American
televangelists, and the Polish Ombudsman for Children; they are probably the
most commercially successful children's TV characters in living memory.
In each episode, they do a lot of cuddling, eating Tubby
Custard and Tubby Toast, talking in a simplistic and babyish style, and once an
episode, a windmill transmits a TV signal to one lucky Tubby. The others gather
round and watch a live-action video of some children doing some stuff (it
changes each time: "some stuff" is the most specific I can be). The
Tubbies want to see it again, and so they watch it again. Secondary characters
include the Noo-Noo - a deliberately provocatively named anthropomorphic vacuum
cleaner, and the 'Sun Baby' - a baby already old enough to have had a creepy 'all grown up' tabloid human-interest piece.
Added in the most recent revival series are the
TiddlyTubbies: Eight - yes, eight - baby Teletubbies. This came as a massive
surprise to those of us who assumed that the Teletubbies were already kind of
babyish. Perhaps the aim was to mirror the relationship of younger siblings,
perhaps they thought they could gouge out some extra cash from the commercial
opportunities; regardless, it does leave twelve named Tubbies to keep up with.
If you thought 'Laa-Laa' and 'Po' were a bit cringeworthy, save some moral
outrage for Umby-Pumby, Mi-Mi, Daa Daa, Baa, Ping, Ru Ru, Nin, and Duggle Dee
(I had to look this up because it sounds too close to 'Double D', which is
clearly inappropriate, but it's in my head now, so that's what he'll have to be
called). Only one of the full-sized
Teletubbies gets to play with the TiddlyTubbies at a time; I know I thought
Flop was an inappropriate childminder for Bing on account of his size, but Ru
Ru and co. don't even seem to have one appropriate adult present.
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| The Teletubbies have a horror movie spin-off planned for Halloween 2017; this is from the teaser trailer. |
Background: This was the original hit for
writer/creator Andrew Davenport, whose story of the creation of In The Night
Garden is covered here. He was inspired, believe it or not, by the moon
landings - and the way that the pinnacle of human achievement was visually
presented thus: "like
toddlers, with oversized heads and foreshortened legs – and they respond to the
excitement of their new world by bouncing about."
He claims that he was also influenced by Benny Hill's fast
forwarded sequences - which very much undersells the intellectual quality of
Teletubbies' humour, and Morcambe and Wise - who I think he's being a little
bit optimistic in mentioning. It's a bit like claiming the song 'Teletubbies
Say Eh-Oh' was inspired by David Bowie.
The original series filmed in Warwickshire; the Teletubbies'
house (the appallingly titled 'Tubbytronic Superdome') was the subject of
intense media speculation in 1997, before Princess Diana died and took the heat
off them for a bit. Davenport remembers: "We'd be trying to get on with
making a quiet, innocent programme – with helicopters overhead and Land Rovers
hurtling towards us", which to me just sounds like a cycle ride in
central London.
Tinky-Winky appears to have been the lightning rod for a
number of controversies, all of which are perfectly understandable, if you are
stark raving mad. Jerry Falwell, US televangelist, and fully paid-up member of the **** Club, described
Tinky-Winky as a moral menace, on account of his purple colour (apparently the
colour of gay pride), and his antenna being the shape of a triangle (apparently
the gay pride symbol). Plus he carries what looks like a ladies' bag. Ken
Viselman of Itsy-Bitsy Entertainment responded to the furore: "He's not
gay. He's not straight. He's just a character in a children's series",
which I found a disappointingly unprovocative response.
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| The most sexually provocative image in UK children's TV history, if you are a moron. |
However, the Polish Ombudsman for Children was not satisfied.
In 2007 she ordered her office's psychologists, who must have been delighted
with the commission, to investigate. Her conclusion was delivered with the kind
of gravitas you might expect from a report into gun-running or knife crime: "The
opinion of a leading sexologist, who maintains that this series has no negative effects
on a child's psychology, is perfectly credible. As a result I have decided that
it is no longer necessary to seek the opinion of other psychologists."
Presumably the next psychologist had to investigate communist subversion in
Thomas the Tank Engine.
Entertainment: A tricky one. The runaway success with
children, and its ability to inspire a smile, a dance, or just a general
Pavlovian gratification upon a request ("DUBBIES!") and its
fulfillment ("Yes, alright, just wait for f*cking iPlayer to work...")
is priceless to any parent who dares to drink tea whilst it's hot
(borrowed from the admirably realistic CBeebies mission statement).
Although the baby talk can grate, it is more the narrative
style to which I object; though, being an English Literature graduate, you may
accuse me of being unduly pedantic, or, in technical parlance, a "smart
arse". The narrator tells a story in past tense: "One day, in
Teletubby Land, the Teletubbies were playing hide and seek". The
Teletubbies, however, are all stood in a line, and then react to the narrator, as if they were merely being directed by him,
rather than acting on their own spontaneity. I would prefer the above narration
to accompany a scene where the Teletubbies are already hidden, in order to maintain a sense of intrigue, basic
viewer engagement, and just to give poor old Po a bit of dignity.
It's a net win, partially due to the 'again again!' quirk for the
Tubby Tales, which wonderfully mirrors an infant's patterns of behaviour, and
mentality, which must be a wonderful bonus for the producers, who get twice as
much material for one outlay of a glorified family home video.
Ratings:
Sex: The Tinky Winky controversy is helping, as is the
abundance of TiddlyTubbies, seemingly from nowhere. Are those rabbits symbolic?
(6/10)
Music: More so
than X-Factor, this Simon Cowell quote, regarding the race to sign the rights
to 'Teletubbies Say Eh-Oh', tells you everything you need to know about him: "I heard another record label were about to sign the Teletubbies, so I
got the BBC in my office and told them I would give them £500,000 in advance.
We knew a record like that would make over £2 million."
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| A heart-warmingly deserving beneficiary of the Teletubbies' success. |
Total UK sales were 1.3 million, but it was
beaten to the 1997 Christmas Number One spot by the Spice Girls' 'Too Much' (a
title which was far too self-aware for its own good). 'Teletubbies Say Eh-Oh' was
genuinely shortlisted for an Ivor Novello award, and is still the 83rd best
selling single in UK history. Make of that what you will, but those are some
impressive stats. (8/10)
Plausibility: Clearly it is absolute bonkers. The Teletubbies are bipeds, and rabbits do exist; that's all the Real you're getting. (2/10)
Education: Now, I'm pretty sure Teletubbies is helping my
little boy, who is not even two years old yet, acquire vital life skills such as
identification of colours, numbers, and what a Noo-Noo is. Whether or not that
is impressive, I don't know or care; he is my son, ergo he is clearly a
genius. But those who complain that it is not 'educational' are perhaps missing
the point: not all children's TV should be educational, and for infants,
education is an extremely problematic term. The Teletubbies hug each other a
lot, and that is education enough for me. (5/10)
Overall: Ultimately one of the all-time classics, which
irritates a lot of grown-ups for the following reasons: 1) it's not Bagpuss; 2)
they didn't watch it when they were children so it's shit by default, 3) the
baby talk, and 4) it has been ruthlessly exploited as a commercial vehicle,
which they definitely wouldn't have done because they're morally superior.
However, these people are humourless, and not currently trying to entertain a
toddler. Long live the Teletubbies.
(9/10)
